Rib ticklers.

A little Peter Kay it's-so-stupid-but-so-true-you-have-to-laugh humour for you, courtesy of a friend who wastes more of her time playing on the internet than I do...

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your back side?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

You never know where to look when eating a banana.

The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.